I'm Still Me, Just Better.

Anymore

2012-02-09T15:07:00.001-05:00

Anymore
Originally uploaded by nejellaphotoart2009

Anymore time spent on her old stories, would be too much stolen from the chapters she had yet to create.

Trying Something New

2012-02-01T22:59:00.000-05:00

Spent my evening trying something new with pictures. I little photoshop, a little "real" art and some vintage photos.

It feels good.

Beach Babies

2012-01-30T08:38:00.001-05:00

Tom and Taco
Originally uploaded by nejellaphotoart2009

My beach babies.

We took a nice long walk on the beach this weekend. It was cold, but we were bundled.

Normally, Taco isn't crazy about walking in the cold but he didn't seem to mind too much. Maybe he has cabin fever like we do?

My Taco is getting older and it's days like this that I not only take pictures with my camera, but also in my mind. I want to drink these moments in as I know they won't be forever but I want them to be a forever part of me.

Play

2012-01-23T19:10:00.001-05:00

I need to play. It took me to the age of 40 to realize this.

Our society doesn't give play enough credit. If we don't play, we don't grow. Yet, people look at play as never growing up. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Play means different things to different people. My play, may not be your play. But that doesn't matter.

Try it.

-Go buy some toys.
-Find a spot where you can be you.
-Schedule your time.
-"Waste" time.
-Do not feel guilty.
-Make the play your own.

Now of course you can't play all the time, heck, someone has to pay for the toys, but do play often. Often enough that when you are in a stressful moment, you can think of your play time, and feel like things aren't so bad because you have play to look forward to.

Here is something I made during my play time. I bought paper clay, wax, paint, plaster and printed a picture on tracing paper. I tried different things. Made a mess. Got my hands dirty. Didn't follow all the rules. Stopped for a snack. Enjoyed myself.

What's your play?

Some New Art

2012-01-23T11:59:00.003-05:00

Pretty Little Lights

2012-01-16T16:44:00.008-05:00

I love colored glass. I love vintage finds. So, it came as no suprise to myself that the first time I met a vintage, electrical insulator, I fell in love. I pick them up at thrift stores and on Etsy. Up until now, I've used them as garden decor and window decoration. But,now they have a new life as pretty, little lights.

I saw some beautiful table lights and chandeliers made from glass insulators. And while I think they are worth every penny, I have to say they are pricey. And although they are not in my budget right now, I have found something that is....dollar store, battery operated tea lights! Mix them with the glass insulators and guess what? You have your self some insulator lights.

Step 1.
Grab your insulator.

Step 2.
Grab your battery operated tea light.

Step 3.
Cover the tea light with the insulator.

Step 4.
Watch as the light doesn't go out when you cover it with the insulator(no real flame)and look, no ugly cord.

I'm loving these DIY insulator lights. Really, you could use the concept with anything. If you try it out, I'd love to see your pretty lights.

My Blue.

2012-01-15T13:09:00.004-05:00

I've been doing alot more hands on art these days. Maybe it's because it's cold outside and my camera doesn't get to see as many pretty flowers. Or maybe it's because my soul is hungry for something different. I'm not really sure. But either way, I know it's good for me.

I layer papers down on canvas. Paint over them. Pull some layers off. Keep some layers on. Add new ones. Sort of like in our lives. We take parts of ourself away. Yet find there are pieces of us that are stuck. We can't remove them and maybe we don't want to. Instead, we add to them. And all together, these parts become very beautiful. Standing alone, the parts aren't always so pretty.

This winter I also started talking more walks on the beach. I don't swim, so the water really never drew me in. Until now. I look for beach finds for my art work. So now, a walk on the beach calls to me. Inspires me. Clears my head. So, I guess in a way, I do swim now. Not in the water, but in my mind.

I search. Not for the new, but the old. Because old papers and pieces seem to fit my work better than new stuff. And I think that is all part of my discovery. That new isn't always better or beautiful. Lines and cracks create a texture that money can't buy. There is beauty in age that you can't find in new.

And the colors. I'm realizing now that color can't be bought. It's discovered. You can't buy the perfect blue, you have to make it. Because no one can make your perfect blue. Except you. I'm still searching.

And the mistakes I make. Sometimes even they are beautiful. Sometimes they are downright ugly. I keep the beautiful mistakes. And I build over the ugly ones. I can't erase them. So instead, I make them part of the the story. And even if the world can't see them, I know the truth. The mistakes are still there. They will always be there. But building from them instead of erasing them makes me feel more honest with myself.

For me, the pieces I create are not products, but instead stories. Stories of me. My life. My sadness. My happiness. My struggle. My yesterday. My today. And my hopes for tomorrow.

And my search for my perfect blue.

Foo Fighters. Walk.

2012-01-15T11:07:00.000-05:00

Love. Love. Love.

Funny Bean

2012-01-15T00:01:00.001-05:00

Such a funny little bean. She doesn't love me, but she loves the one thing in our house that is purely mine. My desk.

Us.

2012-01-14T23:58:00.001-05:00

Here we are before we went to our drum circle tonite.

I just love him.

Peace, Uncle Ralph

2012-01-07T16:58:00.004-05:00

My Uncle Ralph passed away this week.
Breaks my heart.
Only 69.
My father's best friend.
What do you say to your father when he calls to tell you his brother died?
You cry.
You tell him it's ok to cry too.
You tell him to accept the fact that brothers fight sometimes, and yes it's true your relationship wasn't perfect, but that's love for you. It's not perfect.
You try and remember details of him, but it's been so long since you've seen him, that it's difficult to remember anything but the stories from when you were a little girl.
And you feel sad, because you think about the time you didn't spend with him.
And you feel bad, because you could have tried to make things different.
But, that's love. It's not perfect.
I can't change make more memories, but I can treasure the ones that I have.
Thank you, Uncle Ralph for so many fun memories.

Peace, Uncle Ralph.
Love and light,
Jenn xo

Hello There

2012-01-03T19:27:00.006-05:00

It's me again. It's been a long time since I've blogged, really blogged. I've missed you.

Where have I been? Well, let's say, here but there.

It's been an exhausting few months. Lots of ups and downs, but I'm ok. And, I'm ready to be me again.

How were your holidays? Ours were good. Family, friends and good food. We hosted Christmas Eve at our house. We now have a dining room, which I am thrilled about. And, the house is pretty much done so now it's time to sit back and enjoy it.

We've spent the past 5 years working on this house. Now it's time to work less, and enjoy more. And that's exactly what we plan on doing.

What's new?

We bought my brother a lizard for Christmas.
I got a metal detector from my Brother In Laws.
I've fallen in love with Nutella.
I spent Christmas Day with my father.
My hair is the longest it has ever been in years.
A landscape company did a fall cleanup on our yard, by mistake.
I planted Paper Whites.
I now have my own little studio(I share it with a handsome musician).
And I've been spending time with Bob Ross.

What's new with you?

2011....

2011-12-31T20:51:00.001-05:00

This year, I realized that in my search to wear perfection, perfect is not my style. The shoes I'm wearing right now are imperfectly fabulous. And these worn through shoes are taking me on a journey that fancy feet could never understand.

Heres to good shoes!

Happy New Year's Everyone...xoxoxxo

Neingrenze Camera

2011-12-29T09:50:00.001-05:00

396329_2960004122677_1338762200_33236949_82819074_n
Originally uploaded by nejellaphotoart2009

Tom bought me this adorable Neingrenze camera for Christmas. It takes tilt shift photos, etc. Here is one from the day we were creating a studio(for the two of us)out of our old bedroom.

I should have taken a photo of Tom's side of the studio. It is all modern while my side is all worn and wood.

My litte white desk is actually an table I bought for 20 bucks on CL(w/two chairs). I redid it. Took the top off(laminate) and Tom added two shelves from our old kitchen cabinets to the top. It was a table for two, until recently when we set up our dining room. Twenty bucks!!! And already this little table is already making stories.

Meowy Christmas

2011-12-27T10:42:00.001-05:00

Meowy Christmas
Originally uploaded by nejellaphotoart2009

My Christmas Card for Next Year.

T W/Sugar

2011-12-14T10:06:00.002-05:00

http://millerplace-rockypoint.patch.com/blog_posts/t-with-sugar

Thrifty

2011-12-13T07:14:00.000-05:00

Take one $10 thrift shop painting(which I fell in love with!)

Take one $5 thrift store frame(which I have had for about two years now)

Nail them together.

Instant art. Yeah!!!!!

Getting Ready For The Holidays

2011-12-03T22:52:00.005-05:00

Last year we were under construction during the holidays so, of course, no decorations. This year, it's my goal to make up for it. I'm off to a good start!!

Me and My Steve

2011-11-25T18:57:00.003-05:00

Me and my brother in law, Steve.
I love Steve.
He's fun.
He's sweet.
He's silly.
He has a great heart.
And a kind smile.

It probably helps that I spoil him with hot cider, with whip cream and cinnamon sticks. And eggnog. And cookies.

But, isn't that what all good sister in laws are supposed to do?

He's such a good egg. I'm lucky to have him in my world.

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-23T21:42:00.000-05:00

This year, I am thankful for....

The time I spent with my friend Mary Lou, before she took flight to her next journey.

For a conversation with my father, that took a long time to get here, but told me, it might not be too late.

For a husband that impresses me, every day, with a love I always believed existed, but didn't exist for me.

For a Mom, who still helps mend my wounds, at 39.

For my friends, who love me just as I am. A little wacky.

For three furry children, that make us a family of 5.

For the understanding that just because I won't have children, doesn't mean I've failed.

And for knowing that you should be grateful for all your "imperfections", because that is what makes your life uniquely yours.

6 Years Ago

2011-11-20T20:15:00.001-05:00

It's been 6 years since he passed away. My heart breaks every single day for you, Bill.

Love the ones your with. You only get so many chances.

xo

My Three Kids

2011-11-14T16:00:00.003-05:00

Sometimes their smelly.
Sometimes they are dirty.
Sometimes they hog the bed more than my husband does.
And sometimes, they snore.

But, I wouldn't change a thing about them.

Dear Blog,

2011-11-06T21:58:00.001-05:00

Dear Blog,

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you lately, but truth is, I've been neglecting me also. And you and I sort of go hand in hand.

It's been a rough few weeks, as those close to me know, and I've been soaking up the stress like a sponge does water. But, I'm going to try to dry out soon.

I have a good hub, a good family and good friends, and really, everything else is just nonsense.

So, I'm sure I'll be back to being Jenn again shortly. And, when I'm back, I'm sure I'll have plenty of new lessons I've learned to talk about.

See you soon,

Me

Something You Might See Driving Down the Road in Rocky Point

2011-10-24T07:04:00.000-05:00

I don't know.

My Dude and I

2011-10-24T07:03:00.000-05:00

Introducing Our New Coffee Table

2011-10-24T06:58:00.001-05:00

Do you love it?

We got from hammer and hand, a shop on etsy(of course). It's made from vintage doors(from India). I think when it first arrived Tom was a little worried about it as it is really, really, old. But once we placed it in its new home, it was like it had been there forever.

Coffee Anyone?

2011-10-24T06:54:00.000-05:00

So, I had this expresso pot, in it's orignal box for 5 years. Last weekend, I decided to try it out.

Let's just say, I haven't slept since. You can't drink two full cups of expresso a day....you just can't. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Always Love

2011-10-21T08:41:00.000-05:00

I made this mixed media piece for my Mom for her birthday. It's made of plaster, encaustic wax, wood, vintage buttons and paint. And, of course, a vintage photo(of my grandfather).

I love making me this stuff. It makes me feel whole and happy.

Something New

2011-10-10T07:05:00.001-05:00

I made something new this past week. It was messy, hands on, and I love it. I'm not sure I've ever made something I love this much.

Ingredients:a vintage book cover, plaster, paint, dried flowers(from my garden) and encaustic wax, my words.

I'm going to get some vintage-ish clips to hang it on the wall. I will also make a good scan so I can list it on Society 6.

Yeah, for trying new things!!!

Happy 14th Birthday To My Baby

2011-10-06T07:05:00.002-05:00

Happy 14th Birthday to my baby boy, Taco Jorgensen Murphy. If I could be Gipetto, I'd turn you into a real boy. Not because I don't love you just the way you are, but because I want you to stay with me forever. xoxox

Where You Are Lyrics

2011-10-04T07:13:00.000-05:00

Where You Are Lyrics: Gavin DeGraw Where You Are lyrics . These Where You Are lyrics are performed by Gavin DeGraw Get the music video and song lyrics here. Well everybody hurts That's where we're all the same We drive on through the worst And push on through the pain I

Reflection

2011-10-04T07:03:00.002-05:00

That frame had no picture in it. It was empty. And, as I was going to take a picture of the empty frame, a picture made it way into the frame. That is no photo of my doggie. That is his reflection.

What did this teach me?

Sometimes, you have to let life fill the frame.

Your Opps, Is My Good Find.

2011-10-04T06:55:00.002-05:00

Looking through the opps bin at Sears, I found a tiffany blue exterior paint. Just perfect for our front door and at a gorgeous price.....$2.97!!! Whhoooooooooooo whooooo. It was in my car in about three seconds.

It's more tiffany blue than it looks in the picture. I love it!! And I loved the price so much that I went back last weekend and found stain for the stairs. Grey stain, a whole gallon, for $7.97!! Yeah!!!!!

I can't wait to see how it will look and I'm so very proud of the price.

Sometimes someone elses "mistake" is someone elses good find. Hmmmm, a lot could be said about that line, right?

Me And My Favorite Dude

2011-10-03T07:02:00.000-05:00

Bridgette Lee

2011-09-27T07:03:00.001-05:00

bridgette8x8pic1
Originally uploaded by nejellaphotoart2009

My brother's girlfriend's dog. Her eyes speak to you, don't they?

You Can.

2011-09-16T06:53:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the life you wanted, isn't the life you want. Find the life you want. It's beautiful.

Fade

2011-09-13T07:10:00.000-05:00

Like a flower, she too faded with time. Time with him.

What Trees Heard

2011-09-13T07:05:00.001-05:00

The trees heard what her voice couldn't speak. And while they never replied, she knew, they understood her. And to the trees, she was never invisable.

Yowza!

2011-09-09T07:09:00.003-05:00

Blood test results are back and they are good. Yeah...Now, I just wait for the other results. Turns out, the lab never sent my results to the doctor and thats what took so long.

Ugh.

2011-09-08T06:50:00.002-05:00

I'm still waiting for my bloodwork results. Usually, they call me the next day, but this is day 3.

I know I should just call them, but, truth is, I'm afraid. What's taking so long?

Um, Jenn. Maybe because they are busy. Maybe because they are short handed. Maybe the lab you went to takes longer than the lab you used to go to. I mean, seriously. There are reasons other than bad reasons that things take longer than usual. And I know that.

But I'm still so freakin worried.

I'm off to get a hug from Charlie too.

Flower Stuff

2011-09-07T06:59:00.002-05:00

Anyone who knows me, knows I love flowers. Heck, you don't even have to know me. Most of my photography is of flowers.

A few weeks ago I decided to try something new. I bought a plaster/gauze roll at Michaels. Wet it. Let it dry. Painted it. And then glued on some flowers that I had previously dried.

I learned, don't use Modge Podge. It will stain the flowers.
Do use Elmers.
And be sure to spray them with an acid free protectant. Flowers sure fade fast.

Anyways, I was really happy with how the came out. Tom is one of those guys that likes to be involved in any decorating that makes holes in the walls. So, I was proud to tell him, these involved no holes. They are held up with 3M stick ons, as they are so light. I love that 3M stuff. It allows me to decorate, not damage. And I can move them around whenever I feel like it.

I Made It!

2011-09-02T09:59:00.004-05:00

I made it through my doctors appt. Now we just wait for the results.

Had a fabulous lunch with my Momma and then did some shopping in Sayville. Then had dinner with the hub and the Momma and Bruce Marie(my fur nephew). These are pictures from last nite.

15 Years

2011-09-01T07:55:00.003-05:00

15 years and it doesn't get any easier.

I go today, to the oncologist, for my yearly checkup.

It sucks.
I hate it.
I'd rather pull my nose hairs out, 1 buy 1.
And eat them.
Rather than go see my doctor.

Don't get me wrong, he's fabulous.
But, fear always tells me my body may not be so fabulous.

I know I'm fine, really I do.
I feel fine.
But, still, the creepy cancer voice whispers in my ear, what if?????

I wish Cancer would lose it's voice.

Kind Of freaky

2011-09-01T07:48:00.001-05:00

kind of freaky
Originally uploaded by nejellaphotoart2009

Shutter speed.
Sunset.
Husband.

=Kind of freaky

Lucky He's So Darn Cute

2011-09-01T07:42:00.001-05:00

Lucky He's So Darn Cute
Originally uploaded by nejellaphotoart2009

I made chocolate pudding last night. Tom, do you want some? No, thanks. Now, what kind of man refuses chocolate pudding.

He's lucky he's darn cute!

We're Ok.

2011-08-31T07:16:00.002-05:00

We weathered the storm. No damage, thank goodness. Just no power for about 18 hours. A good excuse to grab a spoon and have some Nutella. Over and over again.

Babo

2011-08-25T07:10:00.001-05:00

Babo
Originally uploaded by nejellaphotoart2009

My Friend Gary's dog, peeking through the window. It's all in the eyes on this one.

A Tuesday Night Sunset

2011-08-24T09:16:00.001-05:00

Not on vacation.
Not on a Friday night.
A Tuesday night sunset.
Just one of the reasons I love this boy.

One Day

2011-08-22T10:50:00.004-05:00

I read the book.
Could not put it down.
I loved the book so much that I asked Tom to read it, just so we could talk about it.
I cried my eyes out.
But, the beauty of the story made me countdown the days until the movie came out.

I was almost afraid to see the movie, cause lets face it, the movies are never as good as our imagination is. I was afraid the movie would somehow taint the beautiful story in mind. But, for the first time ever, for me, I can honestly say, the movie was almost as good as the book.

Adapted from the bestselling novel, One Day is the story of Dex and Emma, college graduates who meet on July 15th 1988. The story follows them through the next two decades of their life. And their stories are told both as individuals and as the two of them. Both characters, are loveable in their own. Dex, a little less loveable because of his often obnoxious nature, but still, you can't help but feel for the guy.

They both need to change to become the person they were meant to be with. Life at for sight? No. But love, yes.

Some might feel it's too melancholy. It's a simple story. Not a lot of flash or "excitement". But, I think that's the beauty in it.

If your like me, in love with love stories...this is for you. I recommend starting with the book and giving your imagination the chance to create it's own version of the story.

So, so good. It's been four days and I still can't get the images from the movie out of my head.

Train/Maroon/Matt Nathanson

2011-08-19T13:34:00.006-05:00

Tom and I went to see Train/Maroon5/Matt Nathanson last weekend. I love train and Matt Nathanson. Tom is more into Maroon 5. It was a beautiful night to hear music on the stars. Jones Beach is an awesome venue for a concert.

Oh, and Pat Monoghan, well, he's just adorable!

My Sweetie

2011-08-17T20:06:00.001-05:00

IMG_0180b
Originally uploaded by nejellaphotoart2009

Can the guy take a bad picture??

Tom

2011-08-17T07:11:00.001-05:00

A collage of sorts, using a picture I took of Tom in Woodstock. I love this picture. He looks relaxed and happy. Woodstock does that to a person.

Her Life Too

2011-08-16T07:07:00.003-05:00

Guilted by love, she chose to ignore the truth. This was her life too.

I Almost Wished

2011-08-16T07:01:00.000-05:00

She almost wished, but she didn't. But now she sits and wonders, if she did, would anything or everything be different?

Where Do You Go?

2011-08-15T06:56:00.006-05:00

Where do you go, on those days you want to throw away, but seem to keep coming back?
Where do you go, in the moments when you want to fly away, but that concrete fear won't let you move your feet?
Where do we go, when you see the dark night, and you don't want to know the truth?

Or do you stay where you are, waiting to be the story instead of creating the script?

My Dear Marylou

2011-08-14T10:51:00.002-05:00

See you again, My Dear Friend.

2011-08-09T14:53:00.004-05:00

Today, my friend passed away. My dear friend, Marylou.

We worked for the same place.
Went to the same doctor.
Walk the same roads.
Live in the same town.
We shared the same cancer.

Moments after I heard of her passing, I went to find some silence... As I walked passed the kitchen window(at work), something caught my eye. I saw geese. But not one. At least 40. Walking single file. Almost marching. It was so beautiful watching these little creatures, walking alone, yet together....all going to the same place. And I thought, I'm going to see Marylou again. Just like those geese, we may arrive at different times, but we are going to the same place.

I'll see you again, Marylou.

I love you always. You are the bravest person I have ever met. With a zest for life, I have never seen before. As Alina said, you know Peace now....

If Charlie Lived In France

2011-08-09T06:55:00.002-05:00

This is what I think Charlie would be doing if he lived in France. Sitting on the window. Smelling the smells. Listening to the sounds. Waiting for his family to come home.

Actually, I guess it doesn't matter where you live. We do what we do, wherever we are.

Charlie and Phoebe

2011-08-03T07:01:00.000-05:00

Here For You

2011-08-02T07:03:00.002-05:00

You may not see me.
But, you will feel me, if you look past the silence.
Look.
And then look again.
You will see, I'm here for you.

I Want To Be As Beautiful As you

2011-08-02T06:56:00.002-05:00

Compassionate.
Believable.
Soft and strong.
Youthful and wise.
Emotional and clear.

I want to be as beautiful as you.

Walk Right Up

2011-08-01T07:19:00.000-05:00

Walk right up and see the story up close. Yes, I'm the girl you jaded, but I'm also the girl that is wiser since her walk with you.

Conditionally Yours

2011-08-01T07:18:00.002-05:00

She loves you, yes she does. But, unconditionally? No. Love with her has conditions, because she loves herself that much.

Kenneth Wilson Park(woodstock)

2011-07-28T07:15:00.003-05:00

We took a ride back to the park where we got married. This is the exact spot. It was rainy that day, but after going back to visit the spot on the hottest day of the year, we are grateful it rained that day.

We never stepped foot in the park until the day we got married. We never even tasted the food in the place we had our dinner afterwards. We never met the man who married us. Our whole wedding was really based on faith and goodness.

And Peace.

Taco & Tom Woodstock 2011

2011-07-28T07:12:00.001-05:00

Woodstock

2011-07-28T07:09:00.002-05:00

We went to Woodstock for a few days last week. See why I love this place? This is what you see in the store front windows.

The Guy Makes Me Laugh

2011-07-27T07:13:00.000-05:00

If Only...

2011-07-25T20:15:00.003-05:00

And she wonders to herself, if those wishes did come true, would she be this girl?

I Love You Just The Way I Am

2011-07-25T20:09:00.002-05:00

I can change my hair color.
My size.
I can the way I dress.

I could sit a little straighter.
I could walk a little stronger.
And I could dance a little better.

But, truth is, I don't want to.

This is me. And I love you just the way I am.

Your Beautiful.

2011-07-25T13:35:00.005-05:00

Your beautiful.
More beautiful than then the prettiest flower I've ever seen.
Flowers don't look at me the way you do.
And I know there will never be another bloom like you.
Your scent is of the purest form.
And your eyes of light are where my heart was born.
Your beautiful.
And your perfect for me.

Our Homemade Deck

2011-07-20T10:08:00.006-05:00

So, at the end of our construction, we had dirt. No grass. No trees. Just dirt. It looked like our house was surrounded by dessert. It wasn't pretty.

And, at the end of construction, well, you know how it goes, your out of money. So, we had to come up with inexpensive ideas to landscape the property. Well, pretty much my thoughts were, what can we do to cover the dirt?

One of my ideas was to build a deck outside our side entrance. In my mind it would be, level the ground a bit, throw down some bricks and move on. Well, I was wrong. Nothing is that easy. And, thank goodness Hubcap is the engineer in the relationship.

We had to get bricks(I was able to get 500 bricks for 50 bucks on Craigslist. I liked these because they were worn and old, not new and "Home Depot".

Then we got some wood. That cost around 80 bucks.

And then we got some RCA, some sand, and some gravel and some landscape paper.

Tom spent hours and hours working on this. Most of the cost, was in time. But, I truley think the time we will spend enjoying it, will make it truly worthwhile. Plus, there is a little less sand outside to landscape.

All in all, it was a successful project. We are really with it.

Young Hub

2011-07-20T10:03:00.002-05:00

My hubby. A long time ago. It's hard for me to picture him then. I guess that's because I know him now. The person he is now. Thirty years later. Thirty years different?

I did a little editing on this one, just to fit my taste. Those school pictures just aren't personal enough, you know what I mean?

Searching For The Anchor

2011-07-20T09:25:00.002-05:00

She spent all those years searching for the anchor that would keep her grounded, but the anchor was always there. It was her.

Where Will She Go?

2011-07-20T09:20:00.002-05:00

Where will she go, they wondered. But, where she went wasn't important to her. Because she was in the place she needed to be.

Best Of You by The Foo Fighters (acoustic cover by Jaron and The Long Ro...

2011-07-17T10:08:00.000-05:00

Trying To Blend

2011-07-13T07:16:00.004-05:00

She wore the right dress. Put her makeup on just right. Smiled the right smile. But, she did these things, not to stand out. But instead, so that she would not be noticed.

The best camoflague couldn't disguise her. She couldn't hide. They knew. They always knew. She wasn't one of them. And, as time so often does, it carried her to the truth. And she sees now, fitting in is never as beautiful as standing out.

The Dance She Never Had

2011-07-12T06:58:00.005-05:00

Parties are for dancing, not for ending the world you thought you knew. Instead of using the beat of the music as a guide to when to move her feet, she watched as each drum beat announced another one of her walls violently hitting the ground. Those same walls, that had kept her safe, and hidden from, the truth.

Not Since You

2011-07-08T07:03:00.000-05:00

She hadn't felt this lonely, since the time she was with him.

Waiting On You Again. And Again.

2011-07-07T06:42:00.000-05:00

She waited. Waited for him to see her. Waited for him to see her again. Like he did before he found more passion in his morning cereal, than he found in her.

Here We Are Again

2011-07-06T06:53:00.001-05:00

Here we are again. In that place we said we would never return to. Hoping, waiting and wishing that this time, it will be different.

Birthday #39

2011-07-04T09:42:00.002-05:00

-woke up(this is the scary wake up look) to coffee in my birthday cup and flowers all around the house.
-starbucks
-then the peconic herb farm
-agway
-the dollar store
-lewins farm stand
-found an old teapot on the side of the road
-made countertop sauce
-ate it with my hub and my mom
-went to mcnultys for dessert

absolutely awesome birthday

To The Loves of My Life on the Eve of My 39th Birthday

2011-07-01T15:29:00.001-05:00

To The Loves Of My Life On the Eve of My 39th Birthday,

You know how much I love my birthday.

I'll admit, I practically love it to the point of becoming annoying.

I send you email reminders.

I send you wish lists.

I request a specifically flavored cake.

And a certain type of dinner.

And I know that when it comes to my birthday, I act 9, instead of 39.

Usually I'm a modest girl, so it may seem odd that I scream for such celebration on the day I was born.

But I do.

Why?

Because I know, how lucky I am to be here.

Then(1996)

After I walked out of the cold, dismal room that held the machine that would tell me my future,

I sat in the equally cold, dismal room, waiting for my catscan results.

I often wonder if that doctor knew that his reply would follow me throughout all my footsteps on this planet.

“If you make it through this”, the doctor said, “consider yourself lucky to be here”.

Now( 2011)

I often think of calling that doctor and saying, “dude, you could have, should have, said that in a different way. I should have said, "um, hello. look up. My mother is sitting here, waiting to take or not take her own next breath, depending on your words".

But, that was a long time ago.

And although the words were crude and even cold, 15 years later, I must admit, I do agree with the words.

After being granted 15 more years of beautiful life, I know now, I am lucky to be here.

Age?

Wisdom?

Life?

No, it's gratitude that has taught me about the luck.

And, it's all the second chances that have taught me about the gratitude.

In the time I've been given,

I've found a Peace that I wasn't born with.

I've seen my Mom hold hands with a man, for the first time in my life.

I met a man that makes the romantic comedies I dreamed of living in, my reality.

I watched my brother grow, and try. And even ask for my opinion.

I held my Nanny's hand, and said goodbye for now.

And I saw true love in the eyes of my Uncle, as he spoke of my most favorite Aunt, after she passed away.

I found pure joy in saving moments on my camera card, and displaying them as my life's souvenirs.

I've watched buds of beauty grow from the seed of loss.

And the strength that comes from failure.

And I've learned that the bigger life, is actually the smaller life.

And, that time is really the best thing you'll ever own.

So yes, maybe I do love my birthday a little much.

And maybe I do sing my birthday song a little too loud.

But, it's not as much as because I love me, as much as it is that I love my life.

And I'm simply grateful.

For I've learned early in my life that birthdays are not a celebration of age,

But instead, they’re a celebration of being given the chance to enjoy another year to be here.

And so today, the day before my 39th birthday, I ask you to bear with me as I send you again, another reminder that my birthday is coming. But, I hope you will see now, that this birthday thing I am so in love with, isn't about me.

It's about you.

Every Birthday marks another year I was lucky to be here, with you.

xo,

jenn

Fear and Freedom

2011-06-29T09:40:00.004-05:00

In 2007, we redid a wall in our house. Look what we wrong inside the wall.

Those words are so perfect, "Jenn is not afraid of her freedom".

So telling. So real. So how I was feeling then, and now.

A different kind of freedom. A peace. A new place.

Crazy. Excited.

2011-06-28T14:26:00.005-05:00

http://printshop.urbanoutfitters.com/product/128448/prints?cl=1

Urban Outfitters is now selling one my prints through their print shop. I am crazy excited!!

And the best part is, they picked one that included a photograph of my Mother.

I'm feeling so happy.

Me and Him 6/27/11

2011-06-27T15:19:00.004-05:00

Me and Him
Him and Me

Happy Anniversary #2 To My Hubcap(husband)

2011-06-27T07:05:00.000-05:00

Thank you for changing my world.
xo

(this song says it all)

Quatre-Quarts

2011-06-22T19:07:00.005-05:00

Last weekend, while looking at the new book section at the library, I stumbled upon a new French Cookbook by Dorie Greenspan, Around My French Table. Being a lover of anything french, I borrowed it.

Well, let's just say, I'm buying it.

The recipes are not only interesting, but the ingredients are normal. Nothing that you would buy once and never use again. And the steps, are simple. Not scary at all. And, I don't know if it's just because I think French things are beautiful, the food is pretty.

Tonight I made Quatre-Quarts. It's basically a pound cake based on equal measures. I used just 6 ingredients and it too me around 10 minutes to prepare and about 20 minutes to bake.

It's delicious.

It's a little dry, a little sweet(I added brown sugar) but a lot of homemade goodness. I have a feeling this is going to be one of those staple cakes in our home. Tom loves simple food. And this is one of those simple foods that so simple, it seems fancy.

We are going have some now with some green tea.

If you have a library close by, go get this book!!! You may just wind up buying it like me.

Our New Cabinet

2011-06-22T07:14:00.005-05:00

I adore this cabinet.

I told Tom, it's like reverse inspiration. I no longer want to redo everything in our house anymore. Instead, I want to get rid of everything and buy old stuff(he's not thrilled with that inspiration, I'm sure).

There is nothing like the real thing. I try to get the look of natural age and wear and tear on my pieces, but to be honest, it's just not the same. When I look at this piece, I see the real thing. And while I do like my "redos", I feel as if this is so much more geniune.

But, I feel this way today. Who knows what I'll be feeling when I see another old piece on Craigslist.

PS-Check out my first concrete creation. It's supposed to be a votive holder. I have this itch to create things out of concrete lately. I've been doing lots of research on the stuff and the more I research the more I love the possibility it creates for me. No kiln(like the pottery class I took, and didn't like).

How I Entertain My Cats...;)

2011-06-22T07:04:00.003-05:00

See the bird feeder? I originally put it on our window so that we would have the pleasure of watching visiting creatures stop in and have a nibble. But after I placed it there, I realized, my cats sit in that window. And that is going to be pure torture!

Happy Uninvited

2011-06-21T06:56:00.001-05:00

She was happily uninvited to be part of that story.

This Is For You

2011-06-21T06:47:00.005-05:00

This is for you.
She thought to herself.
My smile.
Because I know you need to see more smiles than I can make.

And Now It All Makes Sense

2011-06-21T06:42:00.001-05:00

Then, she was mess. Looking for the answers, instead of looking for herself.
Now, she knows herself. And the mess, now it all makes sense.

I Don't Know What's Next

2011-06-21T06:35:00.003-05:00

She doesn't know what's next. Or what tomorrow's story will tell. But, that's ok, because at least now she has a chance at happiness.

Lazy Bones Jorgensen

2011-06-20T08:02:00.001-05:00

Lazy Bones Jorgensen

2011-06-20T08:02:00.000-05:00

Yeah For Our Driveway!

2011-06-15T12:10:00.009-05:00

So, we finally got a new driveway yesterday. I'm as excited as a girl can be about chunks of gravel. Seriously.

The cement trucks ruined our driveway when we had construction done. Really ruined it. I mean, our driveway had potholes. But, last night I came home to find a beautiful, blue stone carpet to drive on. And I am thrilled.

The company that did the work(pelligrinoblacktop.com), was awesome. They came, did the work and cleaned up afterward(I know that sounds silly but can I tell you, no one cleans up?). I was so very impressed. A company with pride and a good worth ethic(finally!). This whole construction process has left Tom and I feeling so disheartened with the work ethic of those who do construction, repair, etc.. But, this experience has given us hope. I wish all the people we had to deal with over the past 6 months were as good as Pelligrino when it came to customer service.

Three cheers for our new driveway! I love you already!

We Still Have Today

2011-06-15T06:44:00.000-05:00

She refused to worry about yesterday. She still had today.

Except For You

2011-06-13T11:35:00.000-05:00

The world walked by and never saw her. But, you made her feel visable.

It Matters To Me

2011-06-13T11:34:00.001-05:00

You might think that the way you see it, doesn't matter to the world.

Don't Be Late

2011-06-09T09:59:00.002-05:00

Be late for work.
Miss the garbage man.
But, never be late for love.