Ahhhhh. I hope.

Ok, so I made it through the day.

Cancer sucks. It's a mean, threatening monster. It haunts you. It follows you and waits for your weakest moment to sneak up on you and wants to take over. It thrives on weakness and strengthens with time. It's under your bed and it is in your closet. You know it's there, even when you can't see it. And it's life long haunt.

Call you tomorrow, with the results the nurse said (before I left the office today).

Oh, ok, fabulous...thanks, keep me in the loop. I'll sleep great tonite.

I know it will be fine. But, I still can't help to be pissed off that we have to deal with this.

Once you have cancer, you never have normal. Even when your "ok".

I don't like you cancer. You suck. You ugly mother fu&*)er. Your low. Your waste. Your disgusting. I don't how you live with yourself. Bitch.

If I were you, I would be ugly too. You know, with the not sleeping at night and all. I mean how could you sleep with such a slimy soul?

Tell me, how did you start? Were you having a bad day when you decided to start altering cells? Fight with your mother? Did your car insurance go up?

Do you smile as we feel pain?

You have stolen many happy days from Aunt Angie, through the way of her breast and her bones. You stole Tom's mom away before I had the chance to even invite her over for dinner. I'm not just angry for myself, you know.

Every time I go to the dr, I think of Joan, I think of Aunt Angie. I never go alone.

I think of all my "sisters" in this battle, who face these blood tests all the time. Those who trade their hair for health. Those who sacrafice the guilty pleasure of a normal day, for a chemo appointment.

I know I'll be ok. I have to be ok for many reasons. One main reason, well he is sitting on the chair right now, where he sits every nite...happy and smiling. I have to be ok, I can't take that smile away.


Until tomorrow,

Jenn...aka..Cancer Hating Bitch