You know, I consider myself pretty brave. Really strong. And very determined. Well, all that went out the back window last Monday.
That's when I fell. Or should I say stooped dived.
I came home thinking, ok, eat then bead. That was my plan. When I pulled in the driveway I saw bunch of packages waiting for me. Excited, I opened the door and went back to grab the packages. The last thing I remember was brushing off some inch worms off one of the boxes.
Then there I was laying on the ground, stunned. Somehow I had lost my balance and fell backwards on to the cement walkway in front of my house. My first thought was, ok, I don't think I hit my head. But, my arm feels heavy. I better get up, go to my neighbors and have them take me to the hospital.
My second thought was, oh shit.
I couldn't get up. I heard cracking and felt numbness and could not get myself off the ground. My shoulder felt like it was in a blood pressure machine. It was a weird feeling. One I had never had before.
When I realized that I couldn't get up, I started to yell for help. Now, living in a quiet neighborhood has it perks...but not on this day. No one heard me.
All I could think of was, this is it for me. Tom doesn't get home till 10 tonite. No one will know I'm out here till then. What if I pass out and don't wake up. I could see the headlines, family heartbroken when woman falls off her front step cleaning up inch worms. And I know that almost sounds funny. But when I was thinking it, it was very serious. I kept thinking, all the shit I've gone through God, you have to be kidding me.
I yelled. And I yelled. And I yelled some more. It wasn't until 40 minutes later, someone heard me. And I swear I don't remember ever being so happy to see anyone.
Her name was Mary, the same name as my Mom and I took that as a good sign. Although I never met her before, I can tell you, I'll never forget her.
She called 911. She followed the ambulance to the hospital. And she waited until someone got there for me. And I have to say, she waited quite a while. It took me an hour and a half to get anyone. Numbers stored in a cell phone with a dead battery are useless.
And before I forget to write this, grab a pad and put it on your person somehow. Put all those names and numbers of your important people and write in big letters on top...CALL IF THERE IS AN EMERGENCY. I wish I had done that.
Laying in a hospital bed, with no one with you, is numbing and surreal. I could hear other people with their families. I could hear hugs. I could hear words of encouragement. I could hear love. And I felt so sad. So alone. Not even scared. Just sad.
I can't imagine being on this earth alone. I knew eventually someone would come for me. I just didn't know when. I couldn't imagine knowing that no one would come..all night. Being alone must take away hope.
When I saw my family, I cried. All I could say was thank you for coming. As if they were an audience in my latest musical. They looked at me like I was nuts. Why are you thanking us, Rich said. Kim said, what did you think we would do? My Mom said, oh my God, did you hit your head?
When Tom came in, I saw his eyes well up with tears. I thought, oh God, I must look really bad. He wasn't really talking...it was almost as if he was observing. Little did I know, that was because he had pictured me in a body cast, so this was pure relief.
When it was time to go Rich said, oh no...you have leaves on you from the ground, and he started to cry. Then he said, you can't go to the hospital, it gives me hives. Kim said, you scared me, with the way you breathing. My mom said, I'll come home with you. Tom said, just walk slowly.
It could have been worse. I could have hit my head. Or my neck.
It could have been worse. I could have had no one to take me home. No one to go home too.
Honestly, I would rather have hit my head, then be that lonely person in the hospital bed.
I will never, ever, ever take the loves in my life for granted.
It doesn't matter how brave you are, that all goes out the window, when your alone.
Peace,
Jenn
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