Sunday, January 4, 2009
Sunday Night Blues
I have a little of the Sunday night blues. We had four days off, and that does it to you I guess. We just sort of did nothing, which is good. But, bad...when you realize it's almost Monday morning already.
I spent this morning painting. Then decided, I didn't like what I painted. Spent the afternoon painting, and then decided I wasn't crazy about that painting either.
Then I made vegetable soup. And quiche. I couldn't decide what to make. So I made both.
Now I'm thinking about ice cream. But I don't know if I want that either.
I guess I'm just having a I don't know type of day.
A lot of stuff has been going on lately within my family and alot of reality has started to surface for me. Whenever your family has stuff going on, you feel it. That's just the way it works. And I think maybe it's come out in my all over the place, indecisive, worried feeling.
I worry about everyone. I worry that I'm am not doing enough for everyone. I'm just worried.
And sometimes I just worry about crap. Like the color of my curtains and how many calories are in pineapple juice and if I should color my hair lighter or darker or both.
Just two hours ago I was worrying about my brother's dogs and how I worry if they feel lonely because he's away and how I wish that I didn't hate to drive so much because if I didn't hate it, I'd go pick them up and drive them around and take them out for doggie bones. Like a good Aunt should. I know...that is a of silly worry.
I secretly worry that one day, Tom will look over and see me as a boring girl, with dark circles under her eyes and a mouth full of stories that don't end. And he'll go out for bagels and never return. Or maybe he will return to pick up his underwear, but in the passenger seat will be his new girl, Rhonda. She will, of course, be perfect and was probably at the bagel shop getting a vitamin water because girls like that don't eat bagels.
Most of the time, my worries are ridiculous. Sometimes irrational.
Sometimes they rational because of my past experience.
Sometimes they are just plain silly.
But that's ok. It's Sunday night. And for right now my worry is whether or not to have ice cream....and I guess that isn't so bad...right?