Tom always says, it's you and me...everything else is just piss. He says that to me when I worry about silly stuff. Well, the gravity of those words were shown to me on Friday night.
Tom said he didn't feel right. And within 60 seconds, my husband laid unconcious on the floor. As he went unconcious, I watched as his head smashed into a cabinet and his eyes rolled back into his head. It was the absolute worst moment of my life. As I ran through the snow, barefoot, to my neighbors to get help, I felt like I was living someone else's life. Watching this happen, but to someone else. It was surreal...in a bad way.
So many thoughts went thru my head...so quickly. The fragility of life. How could this happen. What if he didn't get up? What if he didn't get up???????
By the time I got help, he had gotten up. And I was never saw grateful to see anyone. He looked sick and white and pasty. But it he was the most beautiful face I had ever seen. His eyes were open. He was back.
A trip to the emergency room, a hospital stay, a horrible night, and a million tests...didn't really show us what happened. He has more testing ahead of him...and I am going to be watching him under magnifying eyeballs and analyzing every move he makes from this point foward. I have to. Because our whole world stopped on Friday night. And I can never, ever watch that happen again.
That boy is my whole world. His future is mine. And mine his. We tease each other about how if anything happens to him I will wind up like one of those crazy cat ladies, outside in my garden, wearing my purple bathrobe. And if anything happens to me, he will wind up one a skinny old man, forgetting to eat because his wife isn't reminding him he needs to, while he tries to keep up the garden at the house we picked out together. We tease about that, but I never ever want to know what will really happen.
I never want to know life without him. Because, it's me and him. Everything else is just piss.