To The Loves Of My Life On the Eve of My 39th Birthday,
You know how much I love my birthday.
I'll admit, I practically love it to the point of becoming annoying.
I send you email reminders.
I send you wish lists.
I request a specifically flavored cake.
And a certain type of dinner.
And I know that when it comes to my birthday, I act 9, instead of 39.
Usually I'm a modest girl, so it may seem odd that I scream for such celebration on the day I was born.
But I do.
Because I know, how lucky I am to be here.
After I walked out of the cold, dismal room that held the machine that would tell me my future,
I sat in the equally cold, dismal room, waiting for my catscan results.
I often wonder if that doctor knew that his reply would follow me throughout all my footsteps on this planet.
“If you make it through this”, the doctor said, “consider yourself lucky to be here”.
I often think of calling that doctor and saying, “dude, you could have, should have, said that in a different way. I should have said, "um, hello. look up. My mother is sitting here, waiting to take or not take her own next breath, depending on your words".
But, that was a long time ago.
And although the words were crude and even cold, 15 years later, I must admit, I do agree with the words.
After being granted 15 more years of beautiful life, I know now, I am lucky to be here.
No, it's gratitude that has taught me about the luck.
And, it's all the second chances that have taught me about the gratitude.
In the time I've been given,
I've found a Peace that I wasn't born with.
I've seen my Mom hold hands with a man, for the first time in my life.
I met a man that makes the romantic comedies I dreamed of living in, my reality.
I watched my brother grow, and try. And even ask for my opinion.
I held my Nanny's hand, and said goodbye for now.
And I saw true love in the eyes of my Uncle, as he spoke of my most favorite Aunt, after she passed away.
I found pure joy in saving moments on my camera card, and displaying them as my life's souvenirs.
I've watched buds of beauty grow from the seed of loss.
And the strength that comes from failure.
And I've learned that the bigger life, is actually the smaller life.
And, that time is really the best thing you'll ever own.
So yes, maybe I do love my birthday a little much.
And maybe I do sing my birthday song a little too loud.
But, it's not as much as because I love me, as much as it is that I love my life.
And I'm simply grateful.
For I've learned early in my life that birthdays are not a celebration of age,
But instead, they’re a celebration of being given the chance to enjoy another year to be here.
And so today, the day before my 39th birthday, I ask you to bear with me as I send you again, another reminder that my birthday is coming. But, I hope you will see now, that this birthday thing I am so in love with, isn't about me.
It's about you.
Every Birthday marks another year I was lucky to be here, with you.