So the time has come. We finally made ourselves a little studio. And it wasn't untill I started to write this blog post that I realized it is a bit bittersweet.
We added a room to our house, in hopes of having or adopting a child, and that isn't going to happen. So, in a sense, this room was going to be a babies room. A place for a little person to grow and bloom. But, a few weeks ago, as i sat with paint and papers all over the dining room table, I asked Tom to build me a table to work on. And rhe only place we have for a work space is in the little room.
And so I have anticipated arranging my stuff on the new table all week. Tom added shelves. My Mom and I went shopping for things to make the room pretty today. It's been a really fun time.
And like I said, I didn't think about the bittersweetness untill tonite. I didn't think about what I was actually really doing. I'm accepting the truth. I am not going to be a Mom. Not in any conventional way. But, I'm ok. I really am ok.
So, here I sit. In this little room, which is now our studio. Kenny Chesney is playing in the background. I have a glass of white wine on my table. Shelves of paint over my head. And my husband writing a song at the desk behind me. And of course, my fur kids.
And I think to myself, who knew? But who ever knows? I'm no different from anyone else. I have dreams. Some come true. Some don't. I try to hard, yet sometimes not enough. I laugh. I cry. I screw up. I make some good choices.
I do the best I can.
And, I truly believe this is where I am supposed to be. I have never been as true to myself as I am right now. I am so happy here.
So, while yes, bittersweet feelings will happen. And so will saddness. And sometimes tears. There will be smiles and gratitude also.
Life is unpredictable. Sort of like this room. I couldn't have predicted we would be sitting in here on a Saturday night. Listening to tunes. Working on our other dreams.
Dreams are unpredictable too. Hmmmmm, what should my next one be? Will it come true? Who knows. But, then again, do we really want to know? Part of the beauty of dreaming is giving up control and believing in magic, right?
So, I will make pretty things in my studio and let go of the thought that I can control my future. And I will believe in magic. Just like I would have taught my child.