Sunday, December 21, 2008
So, the library was a success. I took out way too many books. And I think Tom broke a record. He took out 4 books. Over the top people! He normally takes out 1.
We came home and decorated our tinsel tree. I know it's gaudy, but I love it.
We put on the Frank Sinatra carols. Sang a little. Laughed a little. It was fun.
The weirdest thing happened. I was feeling a little melancoly last nite, thinking about how I just lack the holiday spirit I used to have. Missing my nanny. Missing some of the old ornaments I left behind.
I was feeling a bit mad at myself for not taking some of the precious ornaments that I had carried through life with me, when I left my old house. I was wishing I had some of my grandmother's ornaments to show Tom.
It's weird. You carry those silly ornaments around for years. And you think they are just ornaments. That you won't miss them. But then, one day, you sit thinking about that ornament your Aunt gave you when you were a baby. The ornaments your Mom gave you every year. And then you kick yourself, because you realize they weren't part of your past, they were part of your memories.
I left a lot of my things behind, because I wanted to. Because I wanted to start fresh. Because I wanted to make new traditions, in my new life. And I totally know why I did. And understand my thinking.
But, last night I realized that there were many ornaments that were in those boxes that held memories that I will always carry with me. I can't leave them behind. They are memories of my grandmother.
I was telling Tom, last night, that I should have thought about things like that. But it's only looking back now, that I realize how important those old ornaments actually were.
And well, sometimes really cool things happen.
Tom brought a box in the house tonite that we didn't remember being in the barn last year. And when I opened it up...there it was. My Nanny's old ceramic Christmas tree. I was soooo happy! I put those bulbs on, dusted it off and bam! There it was. One of those special ornaments that I had wished I had taken with me. And apparently, I did.
I sit here now, looking at it. All pretty and lit up. Tom is sitting next to me on his computer. And I realize, sometimes material things that hold happy memories are very important. When you leave your past behind, it's ok to take things that make you feel good with you.
I'm happy because I have a little more of my Nanny in my house this Christmas. And I know Tom's happy because that makes me happy. And I know Nanny's happy because I have that ceramic tree, in my living room. It will now become part of my new traditions.