Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Force Yourself to Shower Girl
I stayed home today also. I will go back to work tomorrow. I couldn't sleep last night as whenever I closed my eyes I saw Aunt Angie. Then I would start thinking. Then start crying.
Yesterday was the first day of my life without her. And there was a rawness in my heart that I cannot explain.
I have a new awareness of loss. A new awareness of the delicacy of life. And with that new awareness comes fear.
I've been trying to occupy myself with art. But even that feels like a force.
And while I would think that what I would work on would be "hard" art, I've come up with two pieces that are very soft. I'm wondering if Aunt Angie's passing will make me softer. Although, I fear it will make me much harder.