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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Force Yourself to Shower Girl



I stayed home today also. I will go back to work tomorrow. I couldn't sleep last night as whenever I closed my eyes I saw Aunt Angie. Then I would start thinking. Then start crying.

Yesterday was the first day of my life without her. And there was a rawness in my heart that I cannot explain.

I have a new awareness of loss. A new awareness of the delicacy of life. And with that new awareness comes fear.

I've been trying to occupy myself with art. But even that feels like a force.

And while I would think that what I would work on would be "hard" art, I've come up with two pieces that are very soft. I'm wondering if Aunt Angie's passing will make me softer. Although, I fear it will make me much harder.

1 comment:

suziart said...

Jenn,
I started to read your post and realized I had missed something that was painful in your life. So I went to your blog to see what had happened. Your words express so much feeling that I feel it too. I know of that loss and pain. It is never easy and at those times people will question their beliefs. What is right for one may not be the way of another. My beliefs give me comfort, but I will question at times, especially when someone is gone too soon or has suffered so. But I also believe that what is there is beyond our comprehension.
Sending a big hug...
SuZi