Tuesday, December 8, 2009
My CA125 results were in normal limits. Whew. I was freakin' scared. I would like to say, I'm glad that's over, but let's face it...it's always there. Now, I just have to wait till February and have another Mammo.
But for right this moment, I am grateful.
When I went to the doctor last week, I thought so much about my Aunt Angie. How she had did this doctor crap, day after day, for years. I thought about how cold it looks in the hospital. And how she was so tiny, and frail. I wish I would have been there to give her a big, warm blanket.
Usually, I email her my results. Since I can't, I'm going to yell it up into the sky tomorrow. Or maybe I'll just say it aloud while I'm driving. I know she is with me.
And for that, I am grateful also.
PS. While this picture doesn't seem to fit this post, it actually does. I saw this picture of Tom on Friday, the day after I went to the doctor. And it made me smile.
I was about 18 when this picture was taken(I am not in this photo). Probably just finishing high school. He was 27, and at a gig. These two ladies were watching him drum that night. I imagined what his life was like then, compared to how mine was. I was probably in my room studying, while he was out there being the rock star.
I wondered what he would have that of me, back then. And what I would have thought of him. And then I thought, that's the beauty of it all...not knowing. Living your life. Doing your thing. Seeing the beauty. Seeing the ugly. And not knowing if your choices and chances are going to work out. If we knew what tomorrow held, life would be boring.
So, I guess what I'm saying is, I'm lucky to be here. And grateful for beauty, all the messes and all the moments.