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Sunday, August 12, 2012

Faith or Strength?

I've spend much of my life struggling with doubt.

About 12 years ago, doubt consumed much of my life.  I wasn't ever sure of quite anything...and doubt made me fearful.  Doubt became a decision maker in my life.  And, when you doubt, you always feel everyone else knows better than you do.

And there was one situation in particular, in which I put faith in the words of another, before putting faith in the words I heard in my head.  And my head was right.

I learned so much for that experience.  I struggled with doing the right thing, based upon words that were truthless.  And, for a while, a long while, I was broken(and parts of me still are).

But I probably would still be there, sitting on the front porch crying, had I not decided to find strength in my own words, and follow them.

I can't say I'm grateful for the experience, but I can say, I am grateful for my strength.  Looking back, I'm not  so sure how the strength in me, won over the faith in the other person, but it did.  Why, I would often ask myself, did my strength come at exactly the time it did?  Well, it's because I stopped doubting. I stopped doubting myself.

As I created this piece, I thought back to that time, and saw a different girl.  A girl who was so afraid of messing up, she instead had chose to live in a mess.  I can truly say, I am not that person anymore.

And I'm not saying I no longer live with doubt.  I do.  Everyday.  I always will.  But, now, I live.

Follow your strength.  It's right.  It's always right.  You just have to put your strength where your faith is.  Even doubters know there are times where your strength knows what is right.

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