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Wednesday, October 24, 2007

An Interview With Mr. Blu

Today I interviewed Mr. Charlie Blu. Charlie Blu is a one year old Ragdoll feline.
He currently lives with his parents, Jenn & Tom and their dog Taco.

So Charlie, I have always wondered, what's it like being a cat?

Now Jenn, that is a silly question. That's like me asking you what it is like to be a person (he scratches). I don't know any different. I mean sure I would like to drive to a car. But then again, I bet you would like to like to be fed on demand, wouldn't you?

OK then Charlie. Let's talk about your childhood.

Well, I was born on a goat cheese farm on Long Island. Catapano's. That's the name of the farm. I was the last of the litter. Jenn & Heather picked me up. From what I understand this was the same day Jenn closed on her old house. I heard her saying to Heather, I will buy a new pet for my new life. Oh, and a Dyson vacuum.
They picked me up, stopped for a pie at Briemeir Farm's and brought me home. Jenn carried me out to Tom in a dishtowel. She would not stop kissing me, yuck! So embarrassing. That Tom looked pretty cool. But then there was Taco, aka...clam breath. How could she bring a kitten into a home that had a stink breath dog like that? Disgusting.
They lived in the apartment. They were cute those two. Buying me all sorts of toys and treats. But I'm not that type of cat. That stuff is silly. I'm a minimalist. An old soul. I told Jenn to donate my toys to a cat who would appreciate them.

Charlie, that's terrible. I'm sure her feelings were hurt.

Nah, she just pretended she didn't hear me and bought more.
So, how do you like apartment living?
Oh, I don't. And that's why they bought a house. The bought the house just for me.
So, how do you feel about Taco now? A year later?

I've gotta say the old goat has grown on me. He's not a bad guy. Good role model, I guess. I mean you won't see me peeing on a tree any time soon, but still (licks his tail). He's good to have around. He's good for laughs, you know. And an occasional wrestling match.

And Jenn?

That chick is out of control. She does this thing called corn on the cob. She rolls me over and kisses my stomach as if I was a piece of corn on the cob. Thank God she no longer does it front of guests.

Seriously though, she's cool. She feeds me. She cleans my poop. She does my hair and nails. And bathes me. She is what I like to call my assistant. She's a sweet girl. I wish she didn't leave beads all over the house though. She knows I can't resist them. And then she gets annoyed when I fling them around. Go figure.

And Tom?

Tom's a pretty hip dude. One thing about him confuses me though. Every morning I wake him up. He then says, c'mon Charlie. So I bite his nose again. Then again he says, Charlie, C'mon. I mean how many times do I have to wake him up? I don't get it.
Every night Tom and I work out at my gym. My gyms in the back room. It's a carpeted tower with two floors. Custom made by Price Club. Anyways, I let Tom work out with me there. I jump in the tower, he looks for me. He makes scratchy sounds, I peak out. He entertains me.
Charlie, I really appreciate you taking the time to talk with me today. You are the cat's meow.
Please. That line is as old as that green poncho Jenn wears.
(Charlie goes to use the litter box and that ends the interview).

PS....Grown men don't smell like that!!!

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